when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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