My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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