who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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