my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
