I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
