Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
