god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
