her vagine was all disorganized.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
