Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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