Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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