You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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