break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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