Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
