So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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