I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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