just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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