If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
