What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
