I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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