hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
