quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
