Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
