he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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