The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
