I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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