I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
