he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Someone signed my nipple.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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