She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
