I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
