Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm going to jail i love you
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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