Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
