i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
