Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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