i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
