Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
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Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
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Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You are a genius and a whore.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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