If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize