Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
