Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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