I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
