My girlfriend figured out who you are.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
