what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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