I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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