My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
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I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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