Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
