My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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