Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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