my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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