Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
