Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
