I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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