Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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