:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
