So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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