I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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