Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
