He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
