I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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