hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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