i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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