i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
