Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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