I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
