I can feel you judging me through the phone.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
