recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
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Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
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There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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