Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
