just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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