dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
