Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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