You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
