he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
