At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Found the puke drawer
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
