I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
