I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
