glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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