i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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