ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
