I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Holy shit dude........stairs
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
