Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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