I am puke
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
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fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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