I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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