Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
