Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
