omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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