His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
